Exploring Hazrat-e-Dehli 

I spent a morning exploring the ruins of Delhis past .. like with any affair of the heart I hope that the residual smoulder is enough to indicate the intensity of the fire .. The ruins of the Delhis of the past , renewed my lifeblood .. it gave me back a peice of myself that I had lost somewhere along the way . This headlong battle that we enter of a humdrum existence .. where we slowly lose the essence of ourselves and at some points can no longer appreciate the pleasures of ignorance ..  Atlamash , Razia Sultan ,Balan, the moghuls – Babar, Humayun, Akbar, Shahjaha, Aurangzeb, Darashikoh , Allahudin Khilji, The Tuglaq kings .. Prithviraj Chauhan , Priyadarshi Ashok, the Mauryas and Kushans …. they seemed to come alive and walk in the lanes and bylanes of this ancient city.. a city that should be revered .. that should be our pride and joy , an embodiment of all the realities that India can be . Yet we reduce it to this dirty filthy cesspool of political dirt .. and drain our motherland of its lifeblood , like a vampire sucking you dry ..  the city like an ancient palmists reveals it’s secrets one by one . I can only image this land being populated with Chankya and Chandragupt Maurya and all their Majesties . Today all I have to offer you is a few ancient ruins that tell of glorious pasts  , that no one really pays attention to .. they will slowly disappear with time because we ignore them .. and we too shall lose our individual character and be reduced to a faceless ,nameless mass and hence the end of India shall come about . 

We as a nation stand at a cross roads .. it could turn into a precipice and lead to our downfall or we could recover our losses and scale new heights . Everything depends on the spirit of the people of this land . Will we fight to live to see another day or will we consign our selves to the darkness pits of Tartarus . This is one of those cross roads that decides the destinies of our children and our children’s children’s – for many a generation to come . 

Photo Credit: Yours Truly 

  “She was like some ancient palimpsest on which layer upon layer of thought and reverie had been inscribed, and yet no succeeding layer had completely hidden or erased what had been written previously. All of these had existed in our conscious or subconscious selves, though we may not have been aware of them. And they have gone to build up the complex mysterious personality of India. ”
Jawaharlal Nehru, The Discovery of India

On friendship 

Friends are the lifeblood and joy of our lives .. 

they are the family that God never gave us 

But God put them in our path , for us to find , these unlikely treasures , 

Friends come in all forms , 

You find them in the most unexpected places .. 

but what is life without them .. 

friends lend technicolor shades 

To our otherwise  prosaic existences .. 

Thank god for friends .. 

who help us bloom .. 

like the fiery blooms of torch lilies 

Peppering the valleys of life .. 

Cannot live without 

“I cannot live without you ” 

“I cannot live without this person” 

It tears you up inside to have to think of the possibility .. 

It makes you feel like you are dying inside .. 

But do you die ? 

You die a little bit inside .. I won’t lie .. 

That cavity where your heart is .. 

It will ache for Year and a day 

Like a rat is knawing at your insides 

Like your mirror glazed heart is breaking up inside

Broken pieces keep moving under the tender skin of your rib cage .. 

it keeps breaking bit by bit .. 

And then one day it all settles .. 

The broken pieces find their place .. 

And you learn that you can live without and one day even learn to be happy .. 

Artist Yet Unknown 

People we love 

Why do the people we love .. 

love more than our souls 

Sometimes feel like such a burden .. 

I fear sometimes there is no peace to be found in love .. 

we love them and yet sometimes it is so irksome .. 

like a stone weighing down on your heart .. 

you can’t live with or without .. 

it’s a strange place to be . 

Artist Credit : yet unknown 

Alone 

I am still alone I am still forlorn 

It chills me to my bones .. 

But I have not lost hope 

To find someone .. 

Who warms the frozen pieces of my heart .. 

The thaw will come 

And spring will set it 

And fire lillies and wild roses will bloom ..

As they do in spring .. 

artist : Malgorzata Szczecińska 

Sleeping in my arms 

We made love .. violent , urgent and sweet .. 

long and prolonged .. like coming of a summer storm .. 

We lay in each other’s arms like the sea at sunset .. satiated .. 

the sun blinked mildly behind the clouds .. lending them a pearly iridescent seeming .. 

he slept in my arms … satiated .. loved .. protected .. 

I wish in that moment that I could protect him from all the world , if I could .. 

Photo credit : Victoria Caroline Haltom 

Small of her waist 

I fell in love with the small of her back .. 

The glint of mischief in her eyes ..

The swish of her skirt .. 

The way her eyes light up when she discovered something ingenious ..

She was a mystery to me .. 

She drew me into her enticing net .. 

I never did want to escape .. 

I fell hard and fast .. for the spellbinding smile .. 

That wicked sense of mischief .. 

That glint in her eyes .. 

Photo Credit : still from La Reine Margot – starring the incomparable Isabelle Adjani 

On the Sea shore 

It was a balmy night , the stars light up the velvety blue sky .. the moon lent her iridescence to the clouds ..everything was bathed in this ethereal silvery light . I was on a vacation .. I was visiting the seashore after many many years .. 

The last few years had been acrimonious to say the least .  The end of a marriage which was heartbreaking and painful , I was dating someone else . I loved the man I dated . We were together for three years . But we also made each other extremely unhappy . 

This vacation was a welcome respite . I had to get life in perspective . It just hurt , to hurt so much . To give and give .. it was the insecurity of being alone that stopped me . 

I sat on the seashore awaiting dawn ..  I kept thinking and thinking and thinking . All we were doing is hurting each other . The sound of waves soothed my frayed nerves . The sun was just below the horizon .. the sky light up in shades of pink, orange , gold and yellow .. the cool wind fanned my cheeks .. the sound of the waves beating on the rocks soothed my racing,  apprehensive ,heart. In that split second I resolved , I would face my fear of being alone . 

It broke my heart just a little bit .. how much more broken can something get, that is so broken to begin with … but what had to be done had to be done .. 

That next one year I don’t remember how it went .. but it did and so did the subsequent years and the pain stopped . And I lived to tell the tale .. we hurt the ones we supposedly love the most .. 

there is a danger in loving somebody too much and it’s sad when you know it’s your heart you can’t trust .. there is a reason why people don’t stay who they are .. sometimes love just ain’t enough .. 

Photo Credit : Michael Faudet 

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