The Blues – I’ve Been Hit

I am so sorry Baby I could not love You,
I’ve been hit by the blues,
The pain is killing me inside…
But I still smile…
I promise you Sweetheart
I’ve been hit and am bleeding Crimson through…

I still keep a memory of You,
I am so sorry Baby it had to be this way,
Destiny has it’s cruel ways..
I love you in bits and pieces …but not the whole of you,

I’ve been hit…..

I will miss you,
But we have gotta go leaving each other behind ,
And move along with the winds of time,
I wish you were true,
but
I’ve been hit…

I can promise this you the world won’t be same without you…
But it’s what is best for me and you,

I’ve been hit..

We couldn’t let each other rest…
It’s best this way…without you..

But…

I’ve been hit…

Baby you never had the time,
You were never mine..
We had it all and nothing at all….
Sweetheart I’ve been hit and I am bleeding through…
I love u…
I will miss you…
But I’ll make it through and I hope you do too…

The pain is killing me sometimes..
When I think of you…
But I’ll smile and make it through…
I still love you sometimes and sometimes I hate u …
But I’ll make it through
Please believe me do….

But I promise you this..

I’ve been hit….

The pain don’t befit the crime …
But it’s mine..

Baby I thought you were mine ….
Now I know I was wrong…in believing I was strong
And now I’m moving on….

I’m leaving you…I hope you don’t cry too much …and don’t miss me much ..

I promise You Darling that…

I’ve been hit …and am bleeding Crimson through..

Written on 26th May 2008.

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Broken Heart Syndrome 

Broken heart syndrome is a temporary heart condition that’s often brought on by stressful situations, such as the death of a loved one. The condition can also be triggered by a serious physical illness or surgery. People with broken heart syndrome may have sudden chest pain or think they’re having a heart attack.
In my experience the pain lasts a year and day .. it feels like your heart is breaking inside .. constant pain .. and then goes away.. maybe not in a year and day , but it does go away .. losing some people .. leaves a hole .. that doesn’t ever fill up . You try to move forward .. in beginning you are surrounded by a lot of people . Some pretend to be concerned , they offer lip service . But does anyone really understand the loss of another ? I don’t think you , can understand someone else’s loss . Grief is personal . You can never really understand another’s loss . Because it is their loss . Just try to respect their loss and try to be there . 
Loss also put the transience of our existence into perspective .. maybe we are meant to lose those we love so that we may appreciate life and those we have , better .  
Don’t mind me , I get morbid sometimes . 
Art Credit : Pascal Campion

Enough 

Will I ever be enough ? 

I had hoped I would . 

However it seems , all my endeavours were dashed ,

Into the changeful sand , waves crashed and the sand moved with the whims of the ever changeful sea . 

It was all for not , the pains I took , 

My soul burned for approval , 

But that was far removed from what could be within the realm of reality . 

The heart broke some more , 

The shards buried themselves deeper into my soul . 

Shards – burning , cutting , bruising , doing irripairable damage . 

Disappointment must be accepted . I too must learn to be changeful .. like the truth always a little out of reach and unsettled .. ever changing like the tides of the sea .. 

Art: Pascal Campion

Empty 

I feel empty inside .. 

Have I given too much ? 

Have I nothing further left to give ? 

Maybe . 

Maybe not 

I feel empty inside .. 

Hollow . 

Will God in all her grace , deem it fit to let the me feel , again . 

Maybe I do want to feel . 

Maybe it is a blessing not to feel . 

Sometimes .

Maybe it makes me less human . 

Is that so bad , let God be the judge of that .

At the end of my days  , I will render , my account to God . 

I , hopefully , will be able to justify , my deeds . 

May God in her grace grant me respite . 

Art: Pascal Campion 

Hole in my Soul 

Some people leave a huge hole in your soul , 

You try to fill , but the wound just won’t go , 

You try to swab and wrap it in antiseptic cream , 

It’s a year old now , 

But it still won’t heal .. 

It’s dried up now , it is no longer bloody , 

But the hole in my soul , 

Just won’t go .. 

On the cold winter nights and the blazing sunny days .. it wracks me with pain .. 

That hole in my soul .. 

photo Credit : Irene Fittipaldi

Grey Fog 

Why do I feel like this depression .. enveloping me is like grey fog .. that takes on the qualities of physical pain .. rendering me into something less than human . Is there some panacea , to cure me of it ? Will it ever leave me ?

Even the fog enveloping the coast .. gets lifted . The winds come and blow it away ,but , who will lift my fog , as it engulfs my heart , my soul , my mind , my very being . Rendering me powerless and lost . 

Photo Credit : Jan Anderson 

Restless 

I cannot sleep .. I miss you so .. 

I dial your number out of habit .. 

It keeps ringing .. 

There is no one at the other end .. 

I keep forgetting you are gone .. 

It keeps slipping my mind .. 

Old habits die hard .. 

It’s out of habit .. that I keep compulsively picking the phone .. to call your number .. 

To tell you I am on my way ,to see you 

To tell you I am okay , and ask you how you are ? 

To wish you on your birthday .. 

To tell you .. about the boy I like .. 

To tell you .. you need to be at my wedding .. 

But who do I go back to ? You aren’t there .. 

And the phone keeps ringing .. 

Art: Pascal Campion 

Grief 

Grief is personal . 

Don’t try to understand another’s loss .

You can never fully comprehend the magnitude of who they lost . 

Loss is personal . 

Just remember to be there once the dust settles . 

People oh and ah and offer empty condolences . 

Be there for them , when everyone has left . 

That’s when they need you the most. 

The loneliness is haunting . 

You keep searching for that person who is gone . 

You reach your phone and automatically dial their number . 

No one is there at the other end to answer . 

That’s when it hits you . The loss , the grief , the transience of our human existence . 

Maybe we are meant to feel loss this deeply to appreciate those that we have . To seize life , and what God offers us . The brief , intermittent ,  bursts of light and joy . It is a sin to knowingly reject the joy that God , grants you , because you can’t forgive yourself . 

Love as much as you can while you have them . They live on in our souls, they protect us even from afar . So love . It’s makes up for the loss . 

Art: Pascal Campion 

You are not 

You are not the sum total of your nameless anxieties and fears.Neither the murderous voices in your head,

Nor your passionate impulses,

Can overcome the essence 

Of gentle compassion

that resides in your human core.

Remember that.

Always remember that.

And never ever give up believing that you are meant to do great things.

Even if they are not considered big enough to be great by some.

Above all, fight to remain kind and gentle in a world

bursting at the seams with crudeness.
Much love.
-Reema

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